This was the moment in time that I had prayed for and wanted for so long. Inside me yearned for him to love me and see me. Love me and see me as the ONLY one who could make him his happiest of all time. And he finally did. He proposed. I said yes! And the plans started. I put a deposit on my dress. It was ballroom, princess style. Everything I would have wanted in a Cotillion/Quincernera dress coupled with being the center of his affection and devotion. My dress was customed design by a Nigerian dress maker. The sketches were amazing. I purchased Tiffany’s cufflinks with his initials and wine glasses. I was saving and purchasing items little by little. Only for it to fall completely a part within the same year of engagement. Why Lord? Welp, I realized after much therapy he was never gonna truly see me in the essence of my growth, maturity and destiny. He would forever see me as a little girl, a blossoming teen and a young naïve lady. The Queen I was evolving into conflicted with his ego. I could not shine in my space if it was too bright for his footing. When did I realize this? Some 15 years after the fact. What brought this full circle was the fact that when I married Big G, a princess wedding dress was all that I tried on. Nothing was ever right. They were gorgeous gowns. I loved making appointments and picking out the puffiest, tullest, most Hollywood like wedding dress in each store. I had a budget but if it was right, I was gonna figure it out! But nothing gave me the tear drop moment. Until….I tried on a couture gown that was mermaid style and full of glamour. The most important part it spoke to who I was now. The Queen who had met her King. The Queen who was spreading her wings and her King who provided the wind for this Queen to soar. Big G loved me as a woman not a little girl becoming. Wow! I never realized that while choosing my wedding dress before I was picking according to what he wanted as to how he wanted to keep me, not how he would grow with me and support me. I choose that dress that spoke to Big G’s adoration for me an equal. Such a revelation about the princess who became a Queen!
Mediation: Psalms 139:14, Jeremiah 29:11